True to the Moment?

Foreword: I have nothing against people who like to take selfies or enjoy photography. Also, in the following post, by photos, I mean pictures with people in them.

I've never been one for photographs, neither the self taken variety nor those taken by others.

I mean, if I travel somewhere new, like on vacation or some other interesting place. I'll take a few pictures, here and there. But not multiple pictures in different poses in multiple spots within the still same locale before repeating the same process elsewhere for the entirety of the trip.

The reasons for that, I think are because I don't really gain much from looking over old photos.

Why do people like taking photographs? Its even more prevalent in this digital day and age where almost every phone has a camera in it, essentially meaning we have a camera with us almost 24/7 that can snap an almost infinite number of shots. People back in the day had to be more economical with their shots because film was expensive to buy and develop. But they still probably took a great many pictures as evidenced by big physical photo albums.

Our lives are to put it simply, interesting; with its many ups and downs. Some moments are very significant to us like a graduation or a vacation or other special occasions with a person or many people, and we seek to collect those memories, those moments that made us feel something. With the dawn of phone cameras, now even meeting a friend for lunch is a photo worthy moment! And not just 1 photo, but 10.

So, cameras offer us a chance to capture a moment, freeze it in time, that we may keep and view later. And the reason for wanting to freeze a moment in time is because we felt something significant at that time. And the idea is that when we later look over these photos, we can relive those same memories and emotions. The idea that by taking a photograph we can stretch these special moments forever and experience them longer.

This is not a fully realised idea, if not an outright lie.

Very rarely, if ever at all, do you look at a photo and it can evoke the same exact emotions you were experiencing in that moment. Even photos from a long time ago that genuinely surprise you, still won't have you feel the same way as you did at that time. What more if you look over 10 photos of something from just 3 days ago?

Cameras are getting better with more advanced features that help us get sharper images, better lighting, etc. so as to be able to take photographs that are "truer to the moment". These 2D reproductions of the original moment that look similar to the real thing but aren't. The idea that we keep trying to make something fake as true as possible to the real thing.

And yet, the fact remains that no matter how in detail these things can and will get, we still will never be able to relive those moments exactly as they were. Photos can capture the image, the being, the physical, the form, the shapes but they can never capture our feelings of those moments with the people we care about.

Maybe a reason we feel the need to capture these moments is because deep down, every human knows these moments are fleeting. Special memories with special people that cannot possibly go on forever. Its just a fact of life that we will not always have these people we are sharing these moments with. And sometimes when something is gone, its gone for good.

So photographs are an attempted (though perhaps flawed) method of preserving the past because it is just human to want to somehow cherish and keep special moments. However, as above, nothing can really give those experiences back again. So what does that leave? The present and the future. Unless you're psychic, no one knows what is going to happen next, so we can't be secure in being with those we value in the future.

That then just leaves the present. Those experiences we cherish are only going to last a short amount of time and there's nothing we can do to slow them down. All we can do is appreciate the time we have, with those we love as it is happening.

Its just easier and less painful to not think and be complacent about the fact that one day we're going to lose the ones we care about.

But there are these moments, they're brief and they're rare but that remind us of how appreciative we are to have had what we have and to enjoy them while they last. And sometimes, these moments don't require a camera.

OR

Maybe I just don't like being in photographs because I'm ugly and not photogenic? You will never know.

Med school (mis)adventure #1

Recently, I had my first experience of being “on call” at the hospital. I don’t know why it’s referred to as being on call though. It’s not like I’m an actual doctor who is on call for emergencies, etc. Maybe because it’s on the weekends. I thought the university would slowly ease us into going to hospital but apparently not. The 1^st week and already I got on call.

My current posting is medicine. Medical school has a subject called “medicine”. Imagine that.

The hospital is different at night. A lot easier to find parking, for sure. Less people around as well, slightly creepier as the hallways are quieter and some parts aren’t well lit.

As a student, I’m just required to clerk the patients and perform an initial physical examination if I think that would help me get a differential diagnosis. It all hinges on good history taking in the first place and I haven’t had much practice of that. The houseman says it’ll get better with time and that’s probably the case.

Many of the patients interviewed didn’t provide me with good histories. My partner and I randomly chose 6 patients to clerk and 4 were scheduled for discharge, 1 gave a good case and another was schizophrenic. The latter patient was giving me confusing history until I asked if he was on any medication. He said ‘olanzepine’ which is an antipsychotic. Then the confusing history made sense. In a roundabout way.

The patient that gave a good case sort of scolded me, I guess. So I and my partner were asking the usual questions then I got to asking if he had any other medical problems. He replied “semua ada” (all got). The patient being a middle aged man, I assumed “semua ada” means diabetes, hypertension and heart problems. I was right and that’s when it went wrong.

So I then asked if he was compliant to the medication regimen for those things. He then said, rather loudly “you belajar perubatan tanya soalan pun tunggang terbalik. Kalau tak ambil ubat nanti mampus lah” (you study medicine also ask nonsense question. If don’t take medicine then die lah).

I wasn’t embarrassed though. I was annoyed more than anything. There’s a reason that is a standard question and the reason is that many people either don’t take their medication at all or don’t take them exactly as prescribed.

My colleague continued the interview from that point onwards. As much as I would have wanted a shouting match (he was hard of hearing) in the ward near bedtime, it probably wasn’t a good idea. The experience wasn’t very pleasant but he did give a good history so it worked out for me. One “on call” down.

I’ve still got a long way to go.