The cost of following your dreams

So I've got my bachelor's degree. (I'm also a bachelor. Ehem.., ladies)

After a lot of time, money, effort, stress, more money and more time I finally graduated some while ago.

Warning: Infinity War spoiler.

And frankly at the moment, I feel the price of admission isn't worth the show. Granted, I'm still waiting to get a job so perhaps once I start work I will feel differently about this. But what if I had just studied something different entirely? Would I still feel how I'm feeling now? Maybe not.

While waiting, I'm running through scenarios of what could happen, the responsibilities, the stress, the consequences and how life will differ from what it is now once I have to clock in and out every day for the rest of my life. Am I really suited for this in particular? This takes a lot of commitment, a lot of hard work, a lot of sacrifice of free recreational time, family and social life... at least I think it might. Not to mention the challenges at the workplace, long hours, horrible bosses and such. And the student loans, holy guacamole the student loans though.

On the flip side, being a (more) productive member of society may be a good feeling. The responsibilities may give a (bigger) sense of purpose. Once I actually start working maybe I can take pride in my work and feel a little more accomplished in life. We shall see. Or rather, I will.

Its good to follow through on your dreams but some times you need to take a hard look at reality and decide whether it should stay as just that, a dream.

EDIT: This has been in my draft folder since 2019. Already working now. Spoiler alert - I don't feel any different about it :P

Naïve?

So here I am blowing off the dust and cobwebs off my blog.

Story time. And its the best kind of story because you get to be judgmental at the end. Was I naive?

Gather round, kids.

So one fine day some time ago, I was at an LRT station, leaving it to be precise when I was approached by a young gentleman. He introduced himself and proceeded to tell me his story. He had just been released from prison, penjara Kajang, and needed money to go back to his hometown in Kedah where his parents were.

You're probably thinking, "Like whoa now, come on man. That is the most fake story to have ever faked". Well perhaps you're right. But I'm a sucker for when Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory comes along. And I'm just generally sympathetic when people ask for help.

Of course, I didn't just hand him money. I asked questions first like any good detective would. Wait, when was I ever a detective? So it turns out he was in KL for work and he got into a fight and was arrested as a result. Can you get arrested for fighting? Perhaps the charged crime is assault or disorderly conduct or some such.

Sabahtime sadness

The obligatory 'feet at the holiday destination' picture.

Life is full of ups and downs. Everyone knows that. Sometimes, the good and bad happen near simultaneously or they alternate in quick succession. The following is such a story of ups and downs. However, we'll focus on the bad stuff because a series of unfortunate events makes for a better story. So it goes, four dashing heroes embark on a quest. A quest to seek the fabled treasures of "relaxation" and "chill". One of the members of this intrepid expedition is the author.

Its actually a bit tedious to write in story form so here it is in list form:

Day 1
1) Woke up later than expected.
2) Started packing late as a result and left home later than expected as a result of this.
3) Got lost on the way to friend's house, somehow entered KLCC parking.
4) Shortly before taking the train to the airport, I slipped and tripped. Got some cuts and bruises on my hands and forearms. Also ruined my trousers.
5) After checking in, walked to our boarding gate at the far end of the airport. Only to discover it had been changed to literally the other end of the airport.
6) Once we reached that gate, our flight was re-timed to 2.5 hours later.

The Art of Rejection

How to take it and how to dish it out.

So, you finally mustered the courage to ask that special someone to go out with you or maybe you've asked your boss for a pay raise. You can't wait for them to give you an answer in the affirmative and put you over the moon. Its a 50/50 chance so those are pretty good odds right?

Ask and you shall receive. But what if you receive a "no"? It can be absolutely crushing when you thought you had a good chance and they say "no". What if someone not only denied your request but then said "Not in this lifetime. Not even in a parallel universe!" to your preposition? Bonus points to them for rejecting you and referencing String Theory while they were at it. What a burn.

If you still have any semblance of self esteem after that point then read on as we shall explore how to combat the feeling of defeat after rejection and to take it in stride.

1. Pre-planning
Just like any other activity, asking a person out or making plans or asking for a job transfer, it all requires planning. Think about the situation as a whole, do you feel like you have a good chance? If so, then great. Like really, good for you. If not, then mentally prepare yourself and accept the possibility of a "no". If you've been rejected your whole life, then why do you think anything is going to be different this time? Accept your failures as a human being and move on.

2. The question
So when you ask your question, do it in the most casual way possible. This is so that you don't come off as desperately hanging on to their decision and that it seems like you aren't bothered even if they say "no". When in person, use your most nonchalant voice so it seems like you don't care either way or playful voice so you can play it off as a joke if they reject you. "Haha! Just kidding" has been the way out of awkward questions for centuries. Use this time proven method to your advantage when facing rejection.

3. The response
Once they've said "no", you obviously have to do something and react. Otherwise, it will look like their rejection has torn your world asunder. So lets say someone said "no" straight to your face. If near a window, slowly back up to it and then proceed to throw yourself out of it because AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT (REJECTION). Yes, this post has memes.

The response is the most important step as this the only step your rejector will see following your request and the only way you can pretend like you didn't die a little on the inside when they said "no". If you have a penchant for hyperbole, this is the time to use it. Lets say you're attending a job interview and the employer decides to not hire you. Instead of the usual "Thank you for your time" nonsense, get creative. Say "OK. I'm glad you didn't hire me, this place is a snooze fest!" and then proceed to skateboard out of that loser emporium like a champ. Or a chump. Maybe a chimp. That'll surprise them.

4. The aftermath
Go home. Lie on your bed or the floor, if for some reason you don't own a bed. Think about all the life decisions you have made, all of them culminating in that moment where you asked and got "no" for an answer. Cry. At least no one will see these manly tears. This is a safe place.

If you haven't figured it out yet, this post is a joke and not meant to be taken seriously as guide for handling rejection. Depending on what you were hoping for and how much was riding on a particular request, rejection can go from stinging a tiny bit to getting a kick to... deez nuts. Look, more memes! So whenever asking something that can be a "yes" or "no", pray for the best but temper your expectations as well.

But you guys really should have seen this sick wheelie I did on a motorbike when I asked this girl out. It was glorious. I almost forgot she said "no". Almost.

When the Nightmares come

So let us start off this year's blogging with something spooky. Namely, sleep paralysis.

So sleep paralysis is a phenomenon that occurs while you are dreaming. Usually, dreaming occurs in REM stage of the sleep cycle. You can read up more about the sleep cycle online. Basically, when you go to sleep and start dreaming, your body becomes paralysed, to stop you from acting out your dreams and potentially hurting yourself.

Sometimes, what happens is that you wake up (i.e. you're aware of surroundings and are no longer asleep) but your body is still under the effect of paralysis and your brain is still doing some residual dreaming, so your dreams are projected into the real world while you are unable to move.

This causes some problems because how many times have you woken up from a dream (that wasn't too outlandish) thinking everything that happened did actually happen? Same thing here, while you're unable to move, you may see, hear and even feel things in your environment, which are of course aren't really there.

Sleep paralysis is generally a bad experience, most of them are nightmarish. Although some people do experience pleasant ones where they wake to musicians serenading them in their bedrooms. Is that weird? Yes. But is it horrifyingly mind-bending? Not so much. My personal experiences with it weren't of the particularly happy kind either.

Sleep paralysis is scary because, as the name implies, you are paralysed (and also paralysed by fear, heh), you can see and hear your nightmares but most of all you can feel them. Want to try and scream for help? Take delight in the fact that your voice will get stuck in your throat. If you're lucky, one of the nightmare creatures may even try to strangle or sit on you and it will feel like you can't breathe.

It is thought that sleep paralysis could explain the myths of Dracula and other night-time spooky things. The classic image of Dracula standing over a sleeping or paralysed victim seems reminiscent of an experience of sleep paralysis. It is also thought to explain the succubus and incubus. Paintings and artworks describing sleep paralysis often depict a creature sitting on the person who is sleeping, accounting the visual hallucination of the nightmare and the feeling of difficulty breathing.

This all lasts a few minutes and everything will slowly turn back to normal but it is not easy to not be afraid in the moment. Some people who experience this have found that to overcome it, stay calm and try to wiggle your fingers or a single finger, as the major muscles are more affected by paralysis than small ones and gradually move your way from your fingers until you're fully mobile again.

Then, never go to sleep ever again. Heh.

Med school (mis)adventure #2

You know sometimes when you're sick but instead of seeing a doctor, you type your symptoms into Google and the search results tells you that you have a serious disease and only a few months left on Earth?

It tends to be worse in medical school.

Now, every person ever who has attended medical school has a story like this. This is mine. Some time ago, I suddenly woke up in the morning with chest pain. The pain wasn't present the night before. The human body is liable to aches and pains every now and again so I thought "It'll go away in a few hours".

It didn't.

So then I thought "Ah sleep is when the body rests and repairs itself. I'll probably feel better tomorrow". So with some discomfort due to the pain I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning still due to pain. By that point I was a little worried but still thinking "Give it a couple of days. It'll blow over".

I was wrong.

It was worrying to me because I was experiencing sharp-ish pain near the left 5th intercostal space midclavicular line. Which is a fancy way of saying about over the heart or apex of the heart to be exact. (Literal heart here, not taking about oh she broke my heart oh boohoo kind of heart)

And ladies and gentlemen, pain around your heart is usually not a good sign.

"Wow, thanks Captain Obvious", I hear you say. Am I hearing voices? The psychosis setting in.

Anyway, I started to wonder if I had been eating right and exercising enough prior to this happening. Trying to trace the etiology of this event.

The pain occurs on breathing so that kind of ruled out a heart problem. I just checked that by holding my breath but well, studying the things I do... doesn't make me feel better about the possibilities.

At worst it was cardiac problem and less worse would be a lung issue. I was experiencing pleuritic chest pain or at least I think I was.

By day 4, I couldn't stand the worrying anymore so I went to a clinic to get a check-up. The doctor did as doctors do and told me my life changing diagnosis. I had costochondritis.

Costo freaking chondritis. For shame! By this point I'd already been in med school for several years.

Sigh.
_______________________________________________________________________
On another note, a friend had a birthday on April 2x. This friend is also studying medicine.

Thinking I was being clever in using some medical humour, I texted (paraphrased) -

Me: Hb 2x.4 *
Them: Thanks!
Me: What for? Haemoglobin (Hb) 2x.4 g/dL. Just saying Polycythemia.
Them:
Me: It was a good joke though right?

*supposedly short form Happy birthday 2x day of April (4th month) so 2x.4.

This person still doesn't talk to me to this day.

So there you go people. Whenever you think its a good idea to use pun-based humour, don't. Especially if its medical puns.

True to the Moment?

Foreword: I have nothing against people who like to take selfies or enjoy photography. Also, in the following post, by photos, I mean pictures with people in them.

I've never been one for photographs, neither the self taken variety nor those taken by others.

I mean, if I travel somewhere new, like on vacation or some other interesting place. I'll take a few pictures, here and there. But not multiple pictures in different poses in multiple spots within the still same locale before repeating the same process elsewhere for the entirety of the trip.

The reasons for that, I think are because I don't really gain much from looking over old photos.

Why do people like taking photographs? Its even more prevalent in this digital day and age where almost every phone has a camera in it, essentially meaning we have a camera with us almost 24/7 that can snap an almost infinite number of shots. People back in the day had to be more economical with their shots because film was expensive to buy and develop. But they still probably took a great many pictures as evidenced by big physical photo albums.

Our lives are to put it simply, interesting; with its many ups and downs. Some moments are very significant to us like a graduation or a vacation or other special occasions with a person or many people, and we seek to collect those memories, those moments that made us feel something. With the dawn of phone cameras, now even meeting a friend for lunch is a photo worthy moment! And not just 1 photo, but 10.

So, cameras offer us a chance to capture a moment, freeze it in time, that we may keep and view later. And the reason for wanting to freeze a moment in time is because we felt something significant at that time. And the idea is that when we later look over these photos, we can relive those same memories and emotions. The idea that by taking a photograph we can stretch these special moments forever and experience them longer.

This is not a fully realised idea, if not an outright lie.

Very rarely, if ever at all, do you look at a photo and it can evoke the same exact emotions you were experiencing in that moment. Even photos from a long time ago that genuinely surprise you, still won't have you feel the same way as you did at that time. What more if you look over 10 photos of something from just 3 days ago?

Cameras are getting better with more advanced features that help us get sharper images, better lighting, etc. so as to be able to take photographs that are "truer to the moment". These 2D reproductions of the original moment that look similar to the real thing but aren't. The idea that we keep trying to make something fake as true as possible to the real thing.

And yet, the fact remains that no matter how in detail these things can and will get, we still will never be able to relive those moments exactly as they were. Photos can capture the image, the being, the physical, the form, the shapes but they can never capture our feelings of those moments with the people we care about.

Maybe a reason we feel the need to capture these moments is because deep down, every human knows these moments are fleeting. Special memories with special people that cannot possibly go on forever. Its just a fact of life that we will not always have these people we are sharing these moments with. And sometimes when something is gone, its gone for good.

So photographs are an attempted (though perhaps flawed) method of preserving the past because it is just human to want to somehow cherish and keep special moments. However, as above, nothing can really give those experiences back again. So what does that leave? The present and the future. Unless you're psychic, no one knows what is going to happen next, so we can't be secure in being with those we value in the future.

That then just leaves the present. Those experiences we cherish are only going to last a short amount of time and there's nothing we can do to slow them down. All we can do is appreciate the time we have, with those we love as it is happening.

Its just easier and less painful to not think and be complacent about the fact that one day we're going to lose the ones we care about.

But there are these moments, they're brief and they're rare but that remind us of how appreciative we are to have had what we have and to enjoy them while they last. And sometimes, these moments don't require a camera.

OR

Maybe I just don't like being in photographs because I'm ugly and not photogenic? You will never know.

Med school (mis)adventure #1

Recently, I had my first experience of being “on call” at the hospital. I don’t know why it’s referred to as being on call though. It’s not like I’m an actual doctor who is on call for emergencies, etc. Maybe because it’s on the weekends. I thought the university would slowly ease us into going to hospital but apparently not. The 1^st week and already I got on call.

My current posting is medicine. Medical school has a subject called “medicine”. Imagine that.

The hospital is different at night. A lot easier to find parking, for sure. Less people around as well, slightly creepier as the hallways are quieter and some parts aren’t well lit.

As a student, I’m just required to clerk the patients and perform an initial physical examination if I think that would help me get a differential diagnosis. It all hinges on good history taking in the first place and I haven’t had much practice of that. The houseman says it’ll get better with time and that’s probably the case.

Many of the patients interviewed didn’t provide me with good histories. My partner and I randomly chose 6 patients to clerk and 4 were scheduled for discharge, 1 gave a good case and another was schizophrenic. The latter patient was giving me confusing history until I asked if he was on any medication. He said ‘olanzepine’ which is an antipsychotic. Then the confusing history made sense. In a roundabout way.

The patient that gave a good case sort of scolded me, I guess. So I and my partner were asking the usual questions then I got to asking if he had any other medical problems. He replied “semua ada” (all got). The patient being a middle aged man, I assumed “semua ada” means diabetes, hypertension and heart problems. I was right and that’s when it went wrong.

So I then asked if he was compliant to the medication regimen for those things. He then said, rather loudly “you belajar perubatan tanya soalan pun tunggang terbalik. Kalau tak ambil ubat nanti mampus lah” (you study medicine also ask nonsense question. If don’t take medicine then die lah).

I wasn’t embarrassed though. I was annoyed more than anything. There’s a reason that is a standard question and the reason is that many people either don’t take their medication at all or don’t take them exactly as prescribed.

My colleague continued the interview from that point onwards. As much as I would have wanted a shouting match (he was hard of hearing) in the ward near bedtime, it probably wasn’t a good idea. The experience wasn’t very pleasant but he did give a good history so it worked out for me. One “on call” down.

I’ve still got a long way to go.

Filler post

I haven't blogged in months so here's a filler post. Human memory is a fickle thing. Somethings that happened years ago we remember like it was yesterday and some things from hours ago feel like they were from last week. I don't remember where my glasses are when they are in fact already on this accident of a face. (Terrible humour is how I roll)

Human-to-human memories are even more odd. When we do something bad to someone, we remember forever (I'm assuming you're not a psychopath) and when we do something nice for someone we can forget. The target of our nice act will probably remember what you did however. And if someone hurt (or just slighted) you, they may forget but you won't.

Examples: I met a friend I hadn't seen in a year (or two?) last week. She said I gave her a note once long ago with some cake I gave her and she still has that note. I don't remember doing any such thing, haha. I met another (also haven't seen in a long while) recently to give her a present. Partly because she once said or rather (jokingly) complained that (paraphrase), "You always give her* stuff! She's your favourite!". *A mutual friend. She didn't remember saying that but I sure did. I was texting a different friend about two weeks ago and jokingly told her to not do anything weird on Valentine's day. Then she turned it around and told me to not do anything weird because she recalled that I had once talked about intercourse in debate practice and someone remarked that "its like you know what you're talking about" or something like that. Again, I don't remember this exchange ever taking place.

It seems like I just have bad memory.

Point is that people sometimes forget how they made others feel but those 'others' don't forget how that person made them feel and you never know what kind of memory imprint you can leave on people in various situations. This goes both ways so lets all make sure to leave positive impressions of ourselves in others. (A thing I admittedly fail at 60% of the time). Another friend keeps reminding me of my lack of social grace. Man, I hate that guy. Muahaha!

Observations #1

No profound topic this time. I didn't stumble upon some deep concept or ideas and roll with it to type out a thought-provoking article. The human mind doesn't work like that, I think. Strokes of genius just occur at random, but not this day, for me anyway. Perhaps for actual geniuses, their epiphanies occur with much more frequency, maybe they can even summon it at will.

So, you know how random thoughts pop into our mind every now and then? Some are just mundane and others are quite interesting or funny for example. I had a text conversation (yes, conversation via text. Hopefully I’ll see her soon in person) with a friend. So we were talking and in the end at the end as we were saying our goodbyes, she says something along the lines of “Later, shorty” or maybe it was “take care, shorty” or something similar.

Shorty was/is her nickname for me. A nickname she hasn't used in a long time. Anyway, this particular conversation took place some time ago. But the whole “shorty” thing popped into my mind today. I am actually short unfortunately. I'm kind of dwarfed by many people my age and I'm probably at or near the age where I stop getting any taller. I used to be taller than most my classmates but that is no longer the case. I didn't choose the tip toe life, the tippy toe life chose me.

We humans are complex beings capable of feeling a wide range of (sometimes conflicting) emotions, often simultaneously. In this instance, when the word “shorty” registered in my brain, I felt kind of nostalgic and some weird fuzzy feeling because well, its a nickname. Also felt a bit of embarrassment because I'm actually short. Some curiosity because I haven’t seen her in a while and maybe she’s already grown taller than me.

On an unrelated note, its crazy how lightning can be so calming, captivating and scary all at the same time. I was in a position that allowed for an unrestricted view if the night sky. It was raining heavily and lightning occurred with great frequency. So magnificent, a white blue streak of pure energy. A long line, like a spear from the heavens. My heart skipped a beat each time a lightning bolt appeared, managing to light up the infinite sky. I was also afraid I would get roasted. Amazing.

Can Money buy Happiness?

The answer is 'Yes' and also 'No'. I have an uncle who says "Money isn't happiness but without money you cannot be happy"

Now for all you people out there who have nothing to do but argue, I'm positive my uncle meant this in a general way. I'm sure there are many people out there who don't have much money but are perfectly happy.

Anyway, money can buy happiness but it also cannot. So when can it and when does it not?

Well, money can buy you happiness provided that you already have a functioning family structure, healthy social interactions, good health, belief system (religion or other morals) and things like that.

It cannot buy you happiness when you have lots of money but have no health, time or people to spend it with. Not on, with. The difference is subtle but its there.

So its not like this:
'X' or Money = happiness, where 'X' is any one thing or combination of health, social, etc.

Its like this:
'X' + Money = happiness

Even when your conditions are sufficient for money to be able to buy you happiness, buying 'things' won't really make you happy. It does by a small margin but buying things for yourself just never feels as good as you think it would, does it?

Money can truly buy you happiness when its used to buy experiences (which in turn become memories) alone or with others like a vacation to a new place, a new hobby or novel activities like skydiving, visiting museums, paintball or whatever. Something that you'd appreciate having done, later down the road.

However buying things for others and making them happy will probably make you happy as well. Maybe. It seems that way to me at the very least. When its between people, its no longer about the 'things' themselves but the act of giving and its associated feelings such as appreciation and thoughtfulness which is good for happiness (under the assumption actual effort was made to select a thing suitable for a given person and not just random throwaway gifts). **

** The rest of the post is pretty generalisable to all but the last paragraph is just how I feel about it.

P.S. I may or may not be completely broke at this time, hehe.

The present

How well do we know people? How well do we even know ourselves? In the new-age spirit of things media, books, films, etc. are always telling people to search their own souls. Before combing through different people, places and experiences, know yourself like the back of your hand first. (seems easy, there’s nothing distinct on the backs of anyone’s hands I think)

So I’m gonna assume you’re not a stranger in your own body. If you are, call the cops! Tell them you have a breaking-and-entering, an intruder. Tell the police to hurry. This is a joke. Well duh, it is. Moron; I can hear some of you saying. No worries, I get that a lot.

Anyways, people are complex, sophisticated beings. Each one different different than the next, maybe similar but never the same. A nuclear engine is less complicated than the nuances and idiosyncrasies unique to each person. An individual. (Sleazy men, you can’t lump all girls into one category, which is “play things”, they aren’t. I see you)

If people are so complex then can we really know someone? Truly know them? Impossibru, right? Everyone has their secrets, everyone has their thoughts and actions that they want to keep hidden (unless the action was criminal, then turn yourself in) We only know bits and pieces about others. Unless you’re a mind and/or heart reader.

Some fragments of other people we see because they allow us to, they share. Some shards of them are noticeable if you really pay attention and genuinely look hard enough. Some nuggets will remain hidden to all, except themselves, forever. So we gotta accept that we can’t ever really know anyone but ourselves and so we should treat everyone nicely because the things they keep hidden may be them battling their personal struggles.

Seems like I’m going somewhere deep with this right? Wrong. How do we find the perfect present for someone? (Perfect to the best of your abilities) If we don’t really know them fully, do we know em’ well enough to pick out a thing they might like and cherish? Something they won’t chuck into a dustbin or keep at the backest part of a shelf?

I read somewhere that receiving unwanted gifts (unwanted in the sense that you don’t like the particular present, not presents in general) can actually make you like a person less. Thats kinda sad if its true. The person tries to show you they appreciate you and you end up disliking them for awhile maybe.

So the way to find a perfect gift? 2 ways that I know of:
1) ask them what it is they want (and remove all element of surprise)
2) try to know them well (50/50 chance they’ll like it here)

Maybe there is a 3rd option, just give em’ money to buy their own stuff? But I don’t know, that seems the most impersonal to me. I’ll end with a quote. Phew, finally; I heard that.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

I don’t know if the quote fits, it just seemed relevant to me. مع السلامة

Birthdays, anyone?

      

What are birthdays? I’d assume its the day you were born. But what’s the significance of it? I have no concrete ideas although I do have several theories.

With age comes responsibility, getting older means getting wiser. Hopefully wise enough to know but still young enough to do it. Getting old is a right of passage of sorts. A transition from being you depending on others to others depending on you now.

Another thing might be to remind people about how much time has past and how much time is left. An entire year spent with little or no successes? Bummer. Better kick it into high gear, time’s running out.

Conversely birthdays might be a sign to slow down. In this day and age sometimes we live too fast, too furious. Wouldn't want life to pass us by like a blurry line of a car racing past. Later in life, we usually learn to enjoy the little things in between more rather than Big things (cars, vacations, hotels).

Lastly, cake. Birthdays is nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake.

If its your birthday today as you read this, then I wish you happy birthday. May life keep giving you lemons for you to make lemonade. (Or any other fruit you want, its just a metaphor)

So insecure... don't know what for...

So like, I feel threatened. Not in the "I'm in danger" sense but the "there goes my self-esteem out the window" sense and I can't do anything about it. You see, I used to be quite tall compared to my friends in class but in recent years that has changed. They're not as tall as me. No. They're taller. Even most of the girls are same height or taller and they seem to get taller each time I see them. Must be a punishment for teasing them about their height. I'm about 5'2.., 5'3 at most. This typically wouldn't be a problem except that I have to tilt my head a bit to talk to anyone. Finally, you know there's a problem when you can't reach an overhead kitchen cabinet (I'm going to starve) or even a freakin' clothesline.

That was superficial and totally not consequential. But this, this creeps me out.

Its been a few weeks of classes. Recently learned about cell damage. Necrosis and Apoptosis. Just like cells are the building blocks of life:
cell --> tissue --> organ --> system(s) --> organism

cells are also the way things go bye-bye:
injured cell --> damaged tissue --> organ failure --> system(s) shutdown --> death

An open wound or a splitting headache would at least be felt and you'd know something is wrong. But a disease or mutation could just trigger necrosis or apoptosis and suddenly your life expectancy is being shortened... cell by cell.

But thats okay because most cells can and do regenerate. Even without disease, 300,000,000 of our cells are comitting suicide every minute (for the greater good of our bodies) albeit in a regulated and controlled way. Apparently everyone also develops "cancer" multiple times daily! But our Good Guy Greg immune system is advanced enough to kill these cancerous cells early on. A researcher was reported as saying:
"the mystery of cancer isn't why some people die from it, its why most people don't" <-- Okay, I admit I find this very fascinating and cool. Science here I come! :P

However when things are asymptomatic (showing no obvious signs that something is wrong) you can go on your merry life, under the assumption its not the type of case that makes you suddenly keel over. And when you go for a medical check-up (since you haven't done so in like 3 years or because this new company insists on health standards, pesky things!) and then...

Doctor: Well, Mr. XYZ, your test results are back. Good news is you came here to the hospital. Bad news is you apparently have diabetes/hypertension/4 extra rib bones, etc.
Mr. XYZ: ...   :O     >.<     :'(
Doctor:     -.-"      :/

Disclaimer: I'm only a student, please don't use this as actual medical knowledge and that conversation is totally fictional. This entire post might not even be coherent.

You can't trust the system, man.

Now now, this post title might sound like I’m protesting a government but I’m not. The system I’m referring to is the relationship system and what I mean by that is in today’s instant gratification or shallow society some men have adopted systems to get women.

Nothing makes me more embarrassed about my gender than the fact that there are books, DVDs, seminars and courses about this. However, usually these resources have the specific aim of getting a woman in bed and nothing more. Relationships are human emotions not a scientific formulae.

The 1st terrible thing about this is that the formula is based on dishonesty since the goal is to get the girl and what better way to do that than psychological manipulation. The man usually has to present himself as something he’s not and you can’t keep up a lie indefinitely.

The 2nd is something that should be obvious but sadly it isn’t. Get ready for it, the woman is an individual! “Of course she is, you moron" some of you might be saying. Thing is, if you’re planning or are using a system you clearly don’t understand the concept of an individual.

You see, in a system there has to be constant variables for it to be efficient. By this, you have to assume all women respond in a highly predictable manner to how you’re acting. As an individual, she is going to respond in a way that is unique to her being.

The problem with this systematic approach to women is that men who do this treat the whole relationship process like a game where the woman is the final end game boss where he has to remember certain patterns and combos to make her submit defeat. What those guys don’t realise is that in reality the girl is a potential co-op player whom you need to defeat the real boss (whatever that may be).

Therefore in any relationship whether romantic, platonic or work-related; honesty is the best policy.

Disclaimer: I’m not a social scientist nor a feminist. This post goes both ways, male and female. It just seems more prevalent with men.

Sloth

So I'm going to be on holiday for the foreseeable future which is a few months. Even though I'm not Christian, I can understand why Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins (not the animal sloth like Sid from Ice Age, no no). Sloth, I suppose is olden day English for laziness since sloths seem extremely slow. I actually have a lot of things planned... in my head. I have no idea when I'm going to get around to actually doing them.

I want to cook, read, play piano but so far all I've done is... huh, I haven't done anything of note unless changing my cats' litter box counts. I need to get a part-time job but so lazy and procrastinating. Laziness is probably one of the biggest enemies of the human race because when you're doing nothing important, you're wasting time, time we don't get back.

There's a joke on the internet, it says "Tomorrow: a magical place where 99% of human potential is". Thing is, tomorrow might never come because the hands of time are never on our side.

tiny

One day while writing a short story in college I noticed an ant scurrying on my desk with a scrap of food. I picked it up with a piece of paper and placed it elsewhere.

Later I felt something crawl up my leg. Same ant, so I decided to help it find its nest. After 3 tries it found its colony in a tiny crack in the wall.

I thought “you finally made it little guy”. Maybe we are all that “little guy”. Like the ant, sometimes we get lost (realist) but sometimes there are kind people to help show the way or even carry you there (romanticist)

Just my opinion though.

Romantic realism #1

Happy ever afters don’t exist… unless you want them to.

If so, be prepared to put an insane amount of effort into it with no guarantees of success whatsoever. Think positive so that positive things will happen.

But dear God… if or when it works, it works beautifully. I hope.

break the Cycle

Consumerism is a social and economic order that encourages the purchase of goods and services in ever-greater amounts. In the 21st century this is especially true when lessons like "only look out for #1" are being taught. People consume, consume and consume while rarely or not giving back at all.

An example is in the case of water. We need fresh water, we consume ever larger amounts of it. Yet we don't give back to the Earth because many people pollute water sources. There's only 1 habitable planet, so resources are limited. The human race is consuming too fast and replenishing too little.

Consumerism links in with materialism where beginning in the 1990s the main reason for attending university is to make big money and not to become an expert in a certain field or to help people in difficulty. Materialism shifts away from community, spirituality and integrity and leads to competition and disconnection.

Social status is now tied to your material belongings rather than your actual self worth. Its a vicious cycle. The poor try to imitate the rich while the rich try to imitate celebrities and so on. Sometimes we buy things we don't need even use solely to emulate people we regard as having "higher social status".

Buying material things is fine, we all need our certain comforts. But at the point where you have to buy something in order to fit in, now there's your problem. Our consumerism also needs to stay manageable and not go beyond what is environmentally-sustainable.

Lone Wolf

You know, sometimes it feels like the most logical for us to do is pack up our things and get lost. As in, to go live in the forest alone or high up in the mountains all monk like. The thing is, its impossible. Humans are social creatures, we need other people to interact with lest we go insane. Overwhelming noise and clutter can drive a person mad and so can dead silence and stillness.

People need other people. Its why we're conditioned to have family and friends. Even the most shy or quiet of people have at least 2 or 3 people whom they consider close. Talking to one self is normal and usual when we contemplate things or are preparing for something but if the only person we talk to is ourself since we are "lone wolves" that is probably unhealthy.

Proof of this is that people are dependant beings. When we are young, we depend on others. When we are old, we still depend on others. Throughout our life we will always depend on others on some level and other people are counting on us as well.

Simply put, even elite commandos need teamwork. Actors who go "one man army" in films are woefully innacurate portrayals of how soldiers really work and doing so is actually frowned upon in the military. For example, snipers who are often portrayed as loners actually function in pairs. And that pair is integrated with another squad of infantry.

So stop thinking about living alone in a submarine and go out and meet people!